For the past few months I’ve been on a slippery slope of depression. My mom has become extremely outspoken about her opposition to the LGBT community, and it is making me sick to the core. Every night I can’t help but wonder if she would still love me, and would want to continue communication with me. I can almost feel the negative response through my bones as I shake underneath my pile of blankets. During the first few weeks all I could do was cry, or feel like sobbing my eyes out. Now it’s just a dull feeling pain, and only stings when she herself provokes it.
I’ve already accepted myself for who I am, why can’t she? I know why she can’t: because she was raised to despise any other sexuality except heterosexual. She was brought up in such a strict household of going to church every single Sunday, that she thinks she is better than those who love the same-sex.
I can’t keep on recovering from her blows with Macklemore songs and coming out videos. I don’t have the privilege of being able to call the Trevor hotline because I don’t have the privacy to do so. My friends can only help me so much when they themselves don’t fully understand what I’m going through.
I’m in my current residence with my mom and stepdad for the next 9 months. Before anyone gets scared about suicidal tendencies in me, I have hope for the future. I do not want to kill myself. All I know is, I need help to get through this. I just don’t know how to get it. Anything that any of you may have to give me advice about, it’s more appreciated than you’ll ever know.
Thank you,
Hannah
somethingstoremember 