20+ Ways to Come Out of the Closet

1) Send a video to them explaining your sexual orientation. Better yet, send them a whole playlist of videos of other people coming out. Then put yours at the very end.
2) Or you could send them a montage of cat videos and at the very end quickly state your sexual orientation.
3) “I’m the gayest straight person I know. You know why? BECAUSE I’M NOT STRAIGHT.”
4) Give them a call or tell them through Skype
5) Send them a thoroughly thought out text message
6) Write a diary/blog/journal entry for every time they say something homo/transphobic. Explain to them what it really means to you, and how to change their view, if they wish to do so.
7) Make them a playlist of the most gay songs ever, then end it with “Everyone is Gay” by Great Big World
8) Send them the music video, “Coming Out” by Ally Hills
9) Ask them to join you in a pride parade
10) Alternatively, tell them to turn on the TV when the parade is on the news. Make sure you’re right in the news anchor’s way for this one
11) Blast “Born This Way” by Lady Gaga at your next family dinner
12) Introduce your same sex significant other to them
13) Tell the Starbucks barista that your name is “insert Sexual Orientation here” and come when they call you up
14) Admit to your extremely long list of same sex celebrity crushes
15) Take them to a gay bar
16) Or post a picture of yourself at a gay bar to a form of social media you both share
17) Give them Ellen Degenere’s autobiography for Christmas
18) Request that your next birthday party be rainbow colored everything
19) Put a gay pride flag bumper sticker on your car
20) Fly a gay pride flag outside of your home
21) Send them this list
Just as a quick reminder to myself and all of the other people of the LGBTQA+ community, I urge you to accept yourself before you come out to others. Start with the people you know will accept you, and create a support group for yourself. Always know that you have millions upon millions of people who support you and are looking out for you, myself included. We love you and accept you for who you are. Never change for anyone.
Love,
Hannah ❤

My Irrational Fear of Teeth

Ever since I’ve realized I’m bisexual, I’ve developed an irrational fear of wisdom teeth.

Wait, what?

I’m terrified of getting my wisdom teeth for fear that I will accidentally out myself while under anesthetic. I don’t know if that’s ever happened to anyone else, but it’s bound to happen to me. As some of you know, I live in a conservative Christian household and any form of homosexuality is looked down upon. (If you’d like to read an entire post of what that is like, click here) My only guardian that would take me to the dentist for the procedure is my mom. Again, she doesn’t know about my sexuality. Thankfully, I don’t have to have the removed immediately, but I will have to eventually. Hopefully by then I have a friend who can be my chauffeur for the day.

Overcoming (and Avoiding) Obstacles

For the past few months I’ve been on a slippery slope of depression. My mom has become extremely outspoken about her opposition to the LGBT community, and it is making me sick to the core. Every night I can’t help but wonder if she would still love me, and would want to continue communication with me. I can almost feel the negative response through my bones as I shake underneath my pile of blankets. During the first few weeks all I could do was cry, or feel like sobbing my eyes out. Now it’s just a dull feeling pain, and only stings when she herself provokes it.

I’ve already accepted myself for who I am, why can’t she? I know why she can’t: because she was raised to despise any other sexuality except heterosexual. She was brought up in such a strict household of going to church every single Sunday, that she thinks she is better than those who love the same-sex.

I can’t keep on recovering from her blows with Macklemore songs and coming out videos. I don’t have the privilege of being able to call the Trevor hotline because I don’t have the privacy to do so. My friends can only help me so much when they themselves don’t fully understand what I’m going through.

I’m in my current residence with my mom and stepdad for the next 9 months. Before anyone gets scared about suicidal tendencies in me, I have hope for the future. I do not want to kill myself. All I know is, I need help to get through this. I just don’t know how to get it. Anything that any of you may have to give me advice about, it’s more appreciated than you’ll ever know.

Thank you,

Hannah

Indirectly & Involunarily Coming Out to Someone Close to You

A few months ago something happened that was not under my own control: I came out as bisexual to my dad.

My dad has always been supportive (to my knowledge) of the LGBT+ community. (Also sorry about not including the rest of the acronym, but I swear it just keeps getting longer every time I see it mentioned in a post) His philosophy was “if it doesn’t hurt anyone or involve me directly in any way, I don’t care about it”. Keep in mind that I live in the South, and things can get pretty homophobic down here. So when I heard his opinions on it, I wasn’t all that worried about telling him.

I worked up the nerve over the process of about a year of visits to speak my opinions about the LGBT community. From time to time I would bring it up, according to news reports and the like.By doing this I actually grew closer to my dad and Julia, his fiancee.

When victory at the Supreme Court came around, I had already come out to Julia. It was on that day exactly that she told my father that I’m “gay”. In her own retelling of the event, she and my dad were sitting in the living room watching the news report on it. My dad remarked “I don’t see what the big deal is. I mean, they’re just getting married. *Insert comment reflecting his own views about marriage thanks to his failed ones*” This is when my stepmom replies, “Well, it wouldn’t hurt for you to be more supportive.” My dad proceeds to go have a smoke break, then comes back in and asks her “Is Hannah gay?” And she replies, “Yes”.

I can’t express to you how much that bothers me because of how untrue it is. I’m bisexual. If I was gay, I would have come out to the 15+ people in my life as that. However, I am not.

She told me all of what happened around 2 weeks after it occurred because that was the next time I was to come over. She was so excited, and didn’t want me to freak out about it. But I was anything except ecstatic. I wasn’t ready to come out to my dad, and I gave her specific instructions not to tell him because I wanted to tell him myself. She even went outside with me to see how it all would play out. Looking back, I know I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, but I should have told her that I just wanted it to be him and me. She already had the stolen honor of telling him the first time, why should she be there again?

When I finally go outside and meet my dad, all the while choking on my tongue and having an anxiety attack inside, I give him the longest hug I probably ever have given to him, and I correct her crucial mistake. I tell him that I am, in fact, bisexual and like girls and boys. “That’s fine,” he says. He goes on to say how he always sort of knew. I don’t recall what else he said because I blacked out like I’ve done in the past in coming out to people close to me.

I think the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard my dad comment about my sexuality was uttered that day: “Besides, aren’t those Converse high tops lesbian shoes?”

Skipping forward to last Friday, mid-Bible class:

My Bible teacher gave us the simple assignment of thanking someone who has raised us. I sent messages to my mom, grandma, Julia, my other grandparents, and my dad. My message to my dad and Julia is as follows:

“Thank y’all so much for loving me and accepting all of me. It means the world to me that y’all support me, and it keeps me going when things are tough. Everything is fine, but I just wanted to let y’all know that. I love y’all so much. Have an awesome day 🙂 <3”

My dad’s response left me in a puddle of tears in my school’s bathroom:

“Thank you, baby. That made my day. I’m so proud of you and always will be, and nothing will ever change that. I LOVE YOU.”

With the lack of confidence I have in my mom accepting my coming out, It’s incredible to hear that my dad does. My advice to people coming out is this: create a support group of people who love you regardless, then work your way up to the challenging ones. I can’t tell you anything about facing the hard ones, though, because I still have my own lions to tame.

I still can’t say I’m completely convinced that my dad believes in my bisexuality as much as he does my false homosexuality. All I’m saying is, if I come home with a guy for him to meet, it’ll be his own fault if he’s shocked half to death.

The Gender Tag & My Own Experiences

1. How do you self-identify your gender, and what does that definition mean to you?

I identify as female. This doesn’t confine me to the gender roles that are associated with women. To me being a woman is powerful and beautiful, and that also applies to any other gender. I’m very confident in what I identify as.
2. What pronouns honor you?

I use she/her pronouns
3. Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear.

I tend to wear whatever is comfortable. Since I’ve cut my hair short into a pixie cut, I haven’t quite felt comfortable in dresses, but that’s my own problem with stereotypes I’ve heard throughout my life. I’ve always worn plaid and whatever jeans I feel like wearing, and rarely dress up.
4. Talk about your choices with body hair. How do you style your hair? Do you have facial hair? What do you choose to shave, or choose not to shave?

I’ve been growing out my hair a bit recently because I have a school homecoming dance next month, but will be cutting it back to a pixie cut as soon as it’s over. I don’t have facial hair because my sex is the same as the gender I identify as. I shave my armpits, and will usually shave my legs around once a week. However, I’ve been really interested in dyeing my leg hair thanks to Amanda’s Chronicles on YouTube:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIR9Ah1RyxE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBqcr-JVDpc
5. Talk about cosmetics. Do you choose to wear makeup? Do you paint your nails? What types of soaps and perfumes do you use if any?

I wear makeup if I feel like I want to. I don’t wear makeup for anyone but myself, although I used to wear makeup almost everyday a few years ago. When I decided to stop wearing makeup daily, I felt almost like I was letting myself go. Soon my viewpoints changed, though. The less I wore makeup, the more I felt like I was truly being myself to others. I didn’t have to put on a mask for other people. I can now look in the mirror and truly think, “I am beautiful”. On the days I do wear makeup, I don’t wear much. I take on the approach “less is more” to enhance my own natural face. I sometimes paint my nails, but other times I won’t because I play guitar and have a nervous habit of picking all the polish off. I bathe daily, if that’s what the last question was asking. I usually don’t wear perfume, even though I own some, because I forget to put it on.
6. Have you experienced being misgendered? If so, how often?

I think I’ve only been misgendered once, and that was by a man in the shopping mall around Chrtistmastime last year. I had just gotten my hair cut off. I was shopping for a scarf with my grandma. The sales clerk asked me, with my back turned to him, “Need any help, guys?”. He didn’t see my grandma at the time, I assume. Once I turned around he quickly corrected himself and said, “Ma’am.” It didn’t bother me quite that much. I mostly thought it was funny because he ended up being too apologetic about it.
7. Do you experience dysphoria? How does that affect you?

I’ve never experienced dysphoria that I know of.
8. Talk about children. Are you interested in having children? Would you want to carry a child if that were an option for you? Do you want to be the primary caretaker for any children you may have?

I’m interested in adopting children of my own, but I’ve never wanted to carry a child. I think my partner and myself would both be the caretaker of children equally.
9. Talk about money. Is it important to you to provide for a family financially if you choose to have one? Is it important to you that you earn more than any partner you may have? Do you prefer to pay for things like dates? Are you uncomfortable when others pay for you or offer to pay for you?

For me it’s important to provide for my family, but I wouldn’t feel pressured to make more than my spouse. As for paying for dates, I think the best option is to split the check. Sometimes I feel uncomfortable when others pay for me because I don’t want to be a money grubber or anything. I prefer to pay for my own things so as to not feel that way.
10. Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender?

Story Time!

Now I don’t know if this qualifies as an answer for one of the prior questions, but I’m going to proceed anyways. Around June of this year I decided to start doing costume makeup. In the recent months I have been interested in cosplaying and genderbent character roles. The first time I ever made myself look like a guy was this past summer. I applied my makeup and contoured my face to look like Sam Winchester from Supernatural. I was so shocked with the transformation that I didn’t want to remove the makeup. At the time I started questioning my gender, and if I was genderfluid. I soon realized that was not the case. I may seem ignorant in that sense, but I haven’t had extensive experience with gender. I’ve never really questioned that aspect of myself because I never felt the need to. I’m glad, though, that I have decided to start applying costume makeup on myself because of how much enjoyment I get from seeing the end product.

My point is: as long as you’re comfortable with who you are, and are open to yourself, you can begin to love yourself as who you truly are.

Victory Overshadowed with Fear and Excuses

“Yesterday, June 26, 2015, same-sex marriage became legal in all 50 states of the USA. I never thought that we as a society and a government could come so far so quickly. I’m extremely proud of our nation’s decision, and am absolutely ecstatic. From the websites supporting this victory to the many couples who were married yesterday, I am amazed. I would not have even imagined that gay marriage would become legal in my home state. As much as I wish I could have been in a pride parade of victory, or had a huge celebration with the rest of the LGBTQA community, I am sadly still residing in a largely homophobic region of the country, and am currently not “out” to my family as a whole.”

The above paragraph was my response to the legalization of gay marriage 3 months ago. I guess you could say I was delayed quite a long duration of time. Whilst writing the draft for the late blog post, my mom walked in on my typing. Fortunately, I closed my laptop in enough time for her to be oblivious to it. The fear I felt in that one moment was something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, and it has been holding me back from blogging for a while. However, I have too much to say that needs to be heard and appreciated, that I’m willing to take the eventual risk. It all has to come out one way; it’s just the method of communication I use.

My plan for as long as I can keep this up is to write as many blog posts as I can over the weekend about anything and everything. I’ll queue them all in my drafts folder and post them as the week goes along so people can read them day by day. Hopefully this will work out for the best.

I’m Taking a Ghost to Prom

Tonight was one of the shittiest nights of my week.

But it was awfully amazing.

Abby, as I have mentioned in past posts, invited me to go with her to a ghost bus tour (get it? like ghostbuster?) in our hometown. Our expectations were semi-high before the coach bus arrived. They were soon crushed with the realization that the bus was full of senior citizens and would soon be perused by underpaid actors in cheesy costumes. Keep in mind that these “actors” soon became the ghosts for the night’s attraction. We boarded the bus, and found that we were the youngest people on the bus except for a poor 7 year old girl who seemed ecstatic over seeing actual ghosts. As Abby pointed out, she even wore her orange jack-o-lantern shirt. I wore a Supernatural t-shirt because, well, I tend to dress in coordination with the theme of events without even realizing it from time to time. I can’t tell you much about the tour because I was too busy making terrible puns about the “ghosts'” names. The woman that led our trip looked identical to Phyllis on The Office, but sounded more along the lines of that one heavy set guy on Modern Family. Sorry, I’ve never seen the show, but I’ve seen plenty of the previews for it waiting for the Goldbergs to play on ABC.

The best part of the tour was this: I asked a ghost girl to prom.

Let me explain:

At the beginning of the tour we were riding past a lot of weird looking ladies holding signs up. Don’t worry, it was all part of the act; we don’t have protests where I live. We’re all too lazy over here to care about any issues except Donald Trump. At one point I pointed out a girl in the crowd who was extremely pretty. At that moment I didn’t realize that she would eventually be coming onto the bus. Around the last 20 minutes of the tour, Phyllis-lady introduced her as… well, I don’t quite remember her name. Her story was very memorable though: she was supposed to go to a ball, and ended up not going (I didn’t really care by the time this happened. I was just ready to leave the bus). She came in crying with her makeup smeared and her dress ripped, and started walking down the aisle. She asked someone near the front of the bus if her dress was nice, and she began walking our way. This was our moment, okay? She starts walking all the way to the back of the bus where Abby and I were sitting; I was in the seat closest to the aisle. That’s when she asks “Do you think I’d have had a good time at the ball?” I proceed to stutter out “Y-y-yes.” As she’s walking away, I mutter loud enough for her to hear, “I’d go with you.”

We were allowed to take pictures later with the cast, but Abby and her mom were ready to leave immediately. I can’t really blame them honestly.

However, I will always recall the day I almost had a ghost girlfriend and almost took her to prom.